Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
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