There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
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Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
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Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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