I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
where does the pee come out of this thing
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I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
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I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.