Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(208): View more from Idaho

Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable

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(847): View more from Illinois

as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?

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(650): View more from California

We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon

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Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Read it at the TFLN blog
(270): View more from Kentucky

Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?

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(780): View more from Alberta, CA

I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.

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(646): View more from New York

Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.

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(513): View more from Ohio

I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.

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(734): View more from Michigan

I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.

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