Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared

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(202): I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared http://tfl.nu/a5x9

Replies (29) Good night (1206) Bad night (1576)
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(650): View more from California

Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers

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(650): Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers http://tfl.nu/4ij8

Replies (64) Good night (9182) Bad night (1001)
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(402): View more from Nebraska

Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile

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(402): Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile http://tfl.nu/7vam

Replies (22) Good night (1059) Bad night (5200)
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(617): View more from Massachusetts

And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.

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(617): And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today. http://tfl.nu/vsrl

Replies (7) Good night (4141) Bad night (888)
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(770): View more from Georgia

I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.

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(770): I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia. http://tfl.nu/25qr

Replies (14) Good night (2710) Bad night (1464)
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(519): View more from Ontario

You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings

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(519): You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings http://tfl.nu/jmrv

Replies (2) Good night (1656) Bad night (2734)
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(440): View more from Ohio

Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks

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(440): Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks http://tfl.nu/2p99

Replies (17) Good night (4745) Bad night (1823)
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(409): View more from Texas

he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out

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(409): he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out http://tfl.nu/o406

Replies (5) Good night (1196) Bad night (2318)
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(715): View more from Wisconsin

Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads

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(715): Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads http://tfl.nu/v7qu

Replies (10) Good night (1988) Bad night (1221)
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(217): View more from Illinois

If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know

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(217): If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know http://tfl.nu/k0hk

Replies (1) Good night (1393) Bad night (590)
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(206): View more from Washington

He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning

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(206): He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning http://tfl.nu/5k1e

Replies (9) Good night (1766) Bad night (713)
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(419): View more from Ohio

I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away

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(419): I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away http://tfl.nu/9ufh

Replies (1) Good night (640) Bad night (994)
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(847): View more from Illinois

Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San

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(847): Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San http://tfl.nu/3b2q

Replies (1) Good night (605) Bad night (401)
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(585): View more from New York

I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.

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(585): I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk. http://tfl.nu/g15a

Replies (0) Good night (511) Bad night (357)
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(407): View more from Florida

He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.

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(407): He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night. http://tfl.nu/ubat

Replies (1) Good night (574) Bad night (329)

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