i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Randomize
