Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.