Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Randomize
