you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Randomize
