OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Randomize
