We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize