Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
