I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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