so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
