My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
