i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize