I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
