We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Randomize
