Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
