is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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