Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
