that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
