you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
