That's when you crack a 10am beer
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
She told me I should be a condom model.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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