I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
