I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Randomize
