birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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