About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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