quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Randomize
