the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
