She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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