don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
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