when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
