I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
