thus making me awesome and them whores
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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