How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
