she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
