Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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