You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
