Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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