Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
