Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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