They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Boobs are out for the taking
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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