how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
