Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
You took a bar mat shot.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
