I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
