That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
