I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
