i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
