That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
