I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i drank out of a bidet.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
