He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
