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the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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