FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
two words: eviction party
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
