I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize