there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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