You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
