Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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