she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
