you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
