The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
