I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
