So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
