I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
