I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
