Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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