last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
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The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
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I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
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