Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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