i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
