does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Too much gin, very little bucket
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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