i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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