I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
