I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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