last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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