I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
