I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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