Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
