The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
this boner is exhausting
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
