Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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