Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I fill condoms, not promises.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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