I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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