Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin