this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?