apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.