You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
