i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
did i walk over a car last night?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
